so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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