my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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