I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just invented taco cereal.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
