you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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