I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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