Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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