lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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