do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
