Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
