he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
