when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
