Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
