Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
