dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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