Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
