so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
