I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize