do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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