My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i out mim tonsoeep
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
