You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
