I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
