God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize