I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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