i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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