do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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