Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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