are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
