I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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