I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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