Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
