i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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