i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
