The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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