I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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