capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
