I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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