vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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