It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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