Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
