I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
