I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
