it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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