i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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