i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize