im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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