would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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