THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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