theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
