im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
