Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
