you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
