i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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