No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
