I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
