i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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