Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
