Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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