I cannot find my penis.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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