sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This baby is an asshole
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
