I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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