You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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