I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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