Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize