Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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