I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
