Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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