just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
