Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The power of my boobs compel you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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