Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
