He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize