I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ketchup is God's man juice
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
