i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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