I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
