Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize