i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's Friday. Sex?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
