Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
