Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
