I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
