Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
