dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
