I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
