I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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