garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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