She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
