What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
