well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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