she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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