I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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