Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
