Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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