Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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