I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
