Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
