Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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