I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
