I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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