put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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