I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
